The Weight of the Wrong

It's pretty much always heavier than the Good. In grade school, an "F" manages to bring your grade down FAR MORE than an "A" can bring your grade up. In relationships, it is much harder to forget the Bad than remember the Good. In life, the one cringe, embarrassing moment manages to replay in your mind regardless the amount of time allotted since. Perhaps it is simply my flawed way of thinking, but why does the Bad manage to equate the Good?

I am debating even continuing this post because of how flawed this way of thinking is—in case you couldn't tell, dwelling on the one bad thing in your life versus all the good is not very healthy. I do try to paint myself more positively on here, but truthfully I am a bit of a negative Nancy. I will have run a thousand errands and dwell on the ONE I didn't have time to finish. While I do my best not to dwell, it is easy to confuse when you are dwelling over nothing and when you should rightfully dwell. Allow me to explain, if I cannot make it to an appointment because my car broke down; that's jank and it sucks but there always room to reschedule and you have a life to continue. Versus someone throwing you into the ocean you didn't want to go into, and you lose your diamond earring. PERSONALLY, I would rightfully also cry as Kim K did. This then segues into the Kourtney's of the world who feel the need to remind you how small the problem is—those who feel the need to determine whether your dwelling is warranted or not. Helpful sometimes, but 9 times out of 10, it's the wrong thing to say. Like when you are 17 and heartbroken and then a random relative feels the need to tell you 'You are only 17, you'll get over it.' OKAY GREAT I'm still sad though, thank you. I firmly believe in the right to dwell a little, life does go on but please allow yourself a moment to be annoyed. If you don't, it's only going to bottle up and burst regardless of how hefty the Bad actually is.

Grade school ironically sets the tone for this kind of balance. An "F" brings your grade down immensely while an A brings it up basically a fraction of what it should. And this only continues through high school and is even more ruthless in college. I had a 4.0 GPA in my sophomore year of college and then met my worst—albeit unrequited—nemesis Kenneth Johnson. A professor who, although online, hated me because I got an "A-" that managed to drop my 4.0 to a 3.7, thus prompting me to get straight A's FOR THE NEXT FOUR SEMESTERS in order to graduate with a 4.0. An "A" manages to only bring you up an actual 0.010 of a grade and it's hell. (I did it though hehe). But I think maybe because F's and all the Bad's weigh so much is why we do our best to reward the A's. We give gold stars and put them on the fridge, but then the more frequent the less we celebrate.

It's like how anniversaries between couples are usually one-month, six-months, and then annually—but then the couples who celebrate every month get an odd look. A friend of mine (who is a regular on here at this point with the amount of times she's referenced) pointed out that a possible reason as to why the Bad outweighs the Good is because the Bad rarely happens. But in relationships it is all your friends know. You usually go to your friends whenever you have a disagreement and need input from the council, but when you do this every time, then the only perception your friend's have of your relationship, is one littered with arguments. Given that you don't always harp on the greatness of your relationship, the opposite is then what is remembered. But it's like, you can't indulge the council on every argument because then your friends believe you are in a bad relationship, but then you can't gush about the loveliness of your relationship without coming off as braggy, or someone who has nothing else going on. I am trying to come up with advice that I could follow this double-edged sword with, but my only answer is find good friends who understand that. Easier said than done, I know—especially for adults—but that's for another post.

Perhaps the Bad only stands out so much because of the greater pool of the Good surrounding it. This then draws the line between spoiled and righteous—those who endure the Bad but are defined by how they handle it. There are those who handle the Bad so poorly that it is clear, not much has ever gone wrong; that, or no one has ever done the service of telling them they are behaving horribly. I know some people that become tornadoes the second something doesn't go their way and I'll admit, I don't say something every time. I kind of just back away like Homer from The Simpsons in the bushes. This is where we apply self-awareness. The older we get the more important self-awareness becomes. It says more about you to apologize for being the tornado, rather than blowing everything away and return later like nothing happened. If I am describing you, please just take a quick awareness glance—try apologizing if you notice multiple people hiding in the bushes at your tornado.

The weight of the wrong, regardless of the context, always seems to live at the forefront with the Good standing in line behind it. I am still embarrassed at things 14-year-old me did. Hell I am embarrassed about things from last year, but I guess that's the point of the wrong, right? To apply it and do better. It's with the Bad that we learn to appreciate the Good. Plus the things going awry usually make for the best stories.